Spontaneity in the Holocaust?

To be spontaneous and impulsive during the Holocaust sometimes meant to go with natural instincts rather than following the orders of inhumane leaders.  People possibly escaped their fatal fates by merely being spontaneous and hopeful, and of course obeying demands when deemed fit to do so.  Talking to some Holocaust survivors, many believe part of their fate to live was luck.  No matter what, making an impulsive move could be the difference between life or death.

An example of spontaneity is when a Holocaust survivor I met named Trudy spoke about her impulsive decision to stay back in her barrack when many teens got excited when they heard people say in what seemed like a "promising" manner that they were the Red Cross and would save them if the victims ran to the trucks.  Once the teens ran to what they thought was their rescue, they were shot and killed instantly by Nazis.  Remember, Trudy stayed back.  She does not recall what her thought process was during this time, but it was her instinct to not move and stay dormant in her room.  Her individualistic actions and choices saved her; she did not give in to societal influence. It may have been her compassionate self to let others go before her to what they thought was to be saved, or maybe she did not feel well enough at the time to go out.  It does not matter in the end what went through her youthful teenage head at the time because she is here today telling her story and it is quite a meaningful one.  I find it so fascinating how vivid these stories still are in the minds of the elders who were once young survivors.  It just shows how much disturbing recollection and scarring the Holocaust gave way to.

Nightmarish Sleep, Instability, Discomfort

Beds are typically described to be a stable and comfortable place to repose.  But in concentration camps, do they look that way?  About a dozen or more people to each bunk bed without blankets nor pillows would sometimes result in people's preference to get their own sleeping spots on the floor.  You cannot even imagine how many people the Nazis forced to have sleep in the same barrack. Hundreds upon hundreds.

Sleep was not so peaceful either.  Being in a concentration camp and being exposed to brutality and extermination was not a comforting matter to fall asleep to.  Where were these victims able to find stability?  They could not find it in their beds necessarily, they had to find it within themselves! What an existential thought that is!

Identity: Concentration Camps Beyond the Mass; Looking Deeper at the Individual Victims

Here you see a mound of hair, all from the heads of the victims which were so hatefully shaved when they entered Auschwitz.  All of the people's individual identities no longer seemed to matter to the Nazis when they came to the camp.  Women lost their hair that they once proudly brushed and cared for, and each day it became harder and harder to identify one person from another; victims became more and more malnourished and so thin that their bodies were down to the bone.

This hair represents the unique existence everyone seeks to obtain, defeated by a larger force.  The hair seems carelessly mixed together, as if an individual's identity was unimportant (because to the Nazis a Jew was a Jew).  The hair is much like how the victims were thrown together into different barracks without a name but a number insignificant to an individual.  Without an individualized experience the victims to the Nazis were their animals which had to be tamed through inhuman demands.  How do you think these poor victims were able to find their place in the world when they were treated like "good" or "bad" cattle depending on how Nazis felt at different times?  People could literally be tortured for doing nothing wrong;  sometimes when the kapo asked for roll call in a specifically ordered line and somebody did something wrong, the SS officers would punish the people standing besides the "somebody."  Clearly this is not right and is a corrupt order.  What do you think of this unfairness and brutality to be uniform when everyone was in fact their own individual?

 Victims were allowed to bring valuables on their long trips in the cattle car trains to the concentration camps, but....

  

in most cases, valuables were taken away from individuals once they got to the camps.

Through the Barbed Wire Window of the Gas Chamber

The barbed wire window to the gas chamber at Auschwitz.

The descendants: the robust Jewish people today

We had the opportunity to walk inside the gas chamber and while I was observing the remains inside I saw people become very emotional and they leaned on their fellow family, friends, or even strangers.  As difficult as it was to go into the chamber to further comprehend what our ancestors had gone through, the community inside supporting one another and crying was in some way beautiful.  We were united as one peoplehood in a place where our ancestors had perished.  The experience of being interconnected with many generations inside the gas chamber will definitely be a feeling to remember for a lifetime. Standing beside a Holocaust survivor who survived Auschwitz definitely added to the experience as well. If our ancestors ever had any doubt during the Holocaust that the Jewish race would be annihilated, standing upright at Auschwitz and all the other camps was proof that we are a heritage alive and well to this day.

While walking out of the gas chamber, I noticed a barbed wire window.  Something intrinsically special drew me to that window but I could not make out the significance.  Suddenly, the subtle reflection I saw of myself in the window was overcome by my eyes being drawn through the barbed wire to the outside.  Outside I saw people smiling and talking to their relations.  It was then that I realized that our ancestors would be proud of the Jewish community we have created for ourselves and the traditions that we have preserved in spite of the atrocities they endured.  I at this point considered myself to be the silent victim inside the confines of the gas chamber, looking out to a hopeful recovery for the Jewish people.  I felt like a victim, but a proud victim at ease.  It was through this metaphor that I then thought and hoped that the Holocaust victims had found some eternal connection and meaning before they perished whether it was praying silently to themselves or holding onto others.

The gas chamber and crematoria from the outside at Auschwitz

In the gas chamber-- before the crematoria: fingernail scrape indentations

Memorial for all those who lost their lives in the gas chamber

The hole in the ceiling where the gas came out from

The ovens--Yes, victims were manually put in here to become cremated

What feelings build up inside of you when you see these pictures?  Out of the four concentration camps I visited, Auschwitz was the second most well-preserved aside from Majdanek. 

Walking in Our Ancestors' Shoes

840,000 shoes in total leftover at Majdanek- The prisoners' soles and heels were stripped from the shoe for use in German war effort.

There was once an owner to each of these shoes.  They fit perfectly to the feet of their caretakers, and they were one of people's only possessions and concrete means of comfort during the Holocaust.  When the Nazi officers took away the shoes when they first came to the camps, the possessions were treated as nothingness and then were forgotten.  But those shoes are a link between the past generations of people who suffered in the Holocaust and their descendants who are alive to learn about this horrible genocide to this day.  These shoes are all unique and interwoven fabrics representing the multifaceted and preserved Jewish people; we are alive to experience the righteous transcendence of our own cultures from one generation to the next. These shoes all once belonged to owners who all had their individual stories.  And it is these touchable and symbolic shoes that can connect descendants to their ancestors when they come to Majdanek and feel the intricate and carefully-made work of the shoes today.  The shoes are a memorial.  These shoes are an indicator of a once purposeful existence to people who were later turned into dust.

These shoes inspire me to appreciate everything I have but most importantly to appreciate myself.  Some humans live life indulged with material goods, but ultimately it is we the person who should appreciate our own existence while also appreciating our closest relations who contribute to our interlaced life experience.  Our lives feed off the human existence of others yet are driven by our own choices and actions, which these shoes can inspire us to do. It's the movement humans can accomplish with the help of shoes that is invigorating.  We have to fill our ancestors' shoes, but we can and should walk to our own beat, style, and therefore we can perceive the world in a way best befitting our own desires. 

When We Turned into Dust

 A mound of ashes leftover from the victims of the Holocaust at Majdanek (a well-preserved concentration camp in Poland)

From Night-"Knowing all the while that any one of the fields of ashes in Birkenau carries more weight than all the testimonies about Birkenau (Wiesel x)."


These are my ancestors.  These are our ancestors. How has humanity come to this moment when people are killed for their heritage?  How has the world come to this moment when they remain silent when all that remains of a race are broken people who have to look at their heritage turning into dust?  We have to live for our ancestors, to continue their legacies, and to walk in their shoes.

We have a common purpose to make our own decisions in life and find our own life meaning, but we also have the ethical responsibility to keep the legacy of our ancestors going while making our own legacy that we want to leave.  They created us; we live because of them but ultimately we live for ourselves.  But in the end, we are all simply dust. Eternal dust, because our memories and stories will live forever.